Flashback to the second semester of my junior year of college. I had just moved back home and decided I would commute to school. My college was about an hour away. All I had to do was take backroads mostly, so I wasn’t concerned about traffic. It was a very rough transition for me. I was barely going to my classes. I missed major functions with my sorority, and I was the president of our chapter at the time. I actually failed a class that semester and I am very serious about my school work. That had never happened to me before. I was sleeping almost all day, everyday. It got to the point where my mom came into my room one morning (when I should have already left to go to class) and pulled the covers off of me and said, “Cadia, what is wrong with you?” And I just burst into tears and I said I didn’t know. She told me I couldn’t keep living like that and made an appointment for the doctor. He prescribed me an anti-depressant. They typically take about 6-8 weeks to start working in your system. This was in February.

I distinctly remember finals that semester. I was sitting there taking an exam on the computer. I was so overwhelmingly disappointed in myself. I could barely finish. I didn’t want to keep living that way. I texted all of my friends and close family that I loved them. I texted a friend who had confided in me that he previously considered suicide and asked him how to get out of such a dark place. He told me something along the lines of: It’s the hardest thing you will ever have to do, you just have to find the will to keep trying another day. One step at a time. One day at a time. I didn’t have it that day. I thought about those backroads. If I could just find a way to run myself off of the road without hurting anyone. Maybe that could work. That was my plan. I cried my eyes out the whole way home unable to bring myself to do it. I didn’t actually want to die. I just wanted the crushing weight I felt on my spirit to be lifted. I just didn’t want to go on living the way that I felt. I wanted to be free of the burden that I felt was my very own existence. I have struggled on and off with depression since then, but I feel that I have come out on the other side of it.

This is a difficult topic, but a necessary one. Destigmatizing mental health is a cause that is near and dear to my heart.

There is definitely a stigma against mental health in our society. Especially within the Black community. If you broach the topic of mental health it is sometimes referred to as being “crazy” or you are met with opposition such as “Nothing is wrong with you” or “Pray about it”. While having a deep and meaningful relationship with God can definitely help someone suffering from depression (it did for me), for most people it is not enough. According to the DSM-5 (manual to explain characteristics and symptoms of mental disorders) “Major depressive disorder is characterized by an overwhelming feeling of sadness, isolation, and despair that lasts two weeks or longer at a time. Depression isn’t just an occasional feeling of being sad or lonely, like most people experience from time to time. Instead, a person feels like they’ve sunk into a deep, dark hole with no way out — and no hope for things ever changing.”

It’s not just about feeling sad. You literally feel like you are in the sunken place. It’s a chemical imbalance in your brain that you can’t help. It’s not your fault and you didn’t cause it. When someone is suffering from another disorder of the body whether it be cancer, a broken leg or even kidney disease we don’t tell them “get over it” or “this too shall pass”. If people are exhibiting symptoms of a physical disease, we encourage them to seek help from a health professional and encourage them to continue their treatment until they get better,  right? We should treat depression and other mental health disorders the exact same way! Depression for most is something you manage and get under control, but it does not just go away.

If you are suffering from depression:

Seek help. That hopelessness most likely won’t go away on its own. Don’t be embarrassed to be vulnerable. Going to therapy can help you sort through and find the causes of some of your thoughts and feelings. I went to see a licensed professional counselor and it helped me tremendously. Your counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist can help you come up with ways to cope with your disorder and how to live your life in a way that it doesn’t control or define you. You are not any less of a person because you are suffering from this disease. You are not weak minded, soft, crazy or any other negative things people might say to you or what you may even think of yourself. You are whole, you are worthy, and you deserve to live. YOU DESERVE TO LIVE. Seeking help from a mental health professional may be a source of stress or anxiety, but it’s so worth it. You may even have a trusted person in your life look up some places and give you the top three to choose from. You can also contact your insurance provider and ask them to send you a list of mental health professionals in your area that take your insurance. A lot of mental health professionals offer free in person or over the phone consultations so that you can decide if you feel comfortable getting therapy from them.

If you want to help someone with depression:

Just be there to support them. They aren’t looking for you to have all of the answers. They aren’t looking for you to know what to say. They just want someone to be there for them. Someone to talk to. Or just someone to sit with. Someone to be in the presence of. Maybe just to watch a show with so that they do not feel isolated from the world. If they are not ready to talk, don’t force them to. If they do want to talk don’t interrupt with your advice, just listen. Make them feel heard, not judged.

If you have a friend that you are worried about, reach out. It can be awkward. You may not know what to say or how to say it. I have been guilty of this myself. It’s not always easy because you don’t want to make that person upset or feel ashamed. That’s ok. You can start with a simple “How are you?”. And not just the superficial one that ends the conversation in two minutes. A genuine conversation on how life is going. Pick up the phone so you can hear their voice. Invite them to go to lunch or see a movie. Simple things can mean a lot to a person who is suffering from depression. They may not want to leave the house. That’s ok. Go to them. Bring them some food. You may feel that they do not want you around or like they are pushing you away. Depression can sometimes cause people to isolate themselves because they feel that they are not worthy of attention or love. Fight through that and be there for them away.

If you are reading this know that I am someone you can reach out to. Depression can be a dark, stormy cloud but we can come out on the other side of it.

Helpful resources:

An explanation of what major depressive disorder is and symptoms:

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/depression/depression-symptoms-major-depressive-disorder/

A resource for finding a therapist: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

Suicide prevention phone number and website:

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Tips for coping with depression: 

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/coping-with-depression.htm

If you found this blog interesting and/or helpful please comment and share!

Until next time,

Lacadia

Bressert, S. (2018). Depression Symptoms (Major Depressive Disorder). Psych Central. Retrieved on May 21, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/disorders/depression/depression-symptoms-major-depressive-disorder/