This post will be a different format than usual, but here goes nothing…maybe it will resonate with someone.

Before I started to type this blog, I looked down at my stomach and let out a huge sigh.

This is NOT going to be easy.

I have a very inappropriate relationship with food. I am an emotional eater. My weight yo-yos. Right now I am the heaviest I have ever been, but I have been here before.

You might be thinking we all indulge here and there, we all have a little weight to lose. No big deal.

Let me explain. At my worst I would go to get fast food from one restaurant, and eat that food in the drive thru of the next place. I’m not proud of that…and admitting it here makes me feel extremely vulnerable, but I don’t want to live in the shadows of my own life anymore. Whenever I started a new phase in my life that made me feel nervous, unsure of myself, or scared I would eat. It was my coping mechanism. It was almost like the feeling of being full would allow my brain to not focus on whatever emotional strife I was dealing with. It started my freshman year of college and has been a problem for me ever since.

In the past couple of months my life has gone through a lot of changes that brought me back to that place. You know it’s bad when you strategically keep the fast food trash in your car so the people in your house won’t see what you have been eating. Or when you put back the junk food back in the exact place and location to make it seem like it hasn’t been touched, and then pretend like you don’t know who ate all of the double stuffed Oreos.

Solution: Just stop eating right? For me it was not that simple. I literally felt like the food was controlling me.

Why am I sharing this now? Because I am ready to stop feeling sorry for myself and make some real changes in my life. Because I am ready to love myself as I am. Because I am ready to feel like I am living and not just existing. Because my life depends on it. Because I don’t want to look back on this time in my life and wish I would have. Because I don’t want to feel like I am living in the shell of a person anymore. Because I want to end this vicious cycle within myself.

I weigh 191 pounds as of today. My goal is to reach 145 pounds. I am speaking this into existence. I have tried and failed many times before, but this time feels different. It will have to be different.

Things to remember:

Diets don’t work, this a lifestyle change.

Change your thinking, change your life.

The only thing stopping you is YOU.