I wasn’t really sure how to start this one. Maybe because I haven’t written a blog in a while. Maybe because I wasn’t sure if I should write about this topic at all. Brené Brown talks about needing courage to be vulnerable, so this is me being courageously vulnerable…

I used to feel buried, trapped, stuck in darkness

Until I realized that I wasn’t buried, I was planted

Like a seed for a lovely flower that needed to spend time in the soil in order to be strong enough to break ground and come into the light

I needed my roots to spread and anchor firmly into the ground so that I could build a foundation for the person not even that I wanted to be, but am destined to become

I started going to therapy around August. Although, it wasn’t my first rodeo. I went to see a counselor briefly when I was in college and also taking anti-depressants. I missed one appointment with her and just never went back. Fast-forward to 2019. Your girl was struggling. I was so overwhelmed, anxious, and downtrodden with no outward “reasons” to be. However, I had not even realized it at the time, my normal state of being was this wound up knot of nerves that I had become so accustomed to. Now don’t get me wrong, I had mostly good days and I was generally outwardly happy as that is my personality. However, my inner turmoil on my bad days was making it hard for me to function in daily life and be productive. Around April, I decided to sort all of this out with professional help. I figured out how to secure a therapist through my insurance and went to my first session. After two sessions with the first person, I decided that he wasn’t a good fit for me. He was great, but he dominated the conversations and I wanted to feel more listened to than coached. I stopped going and felt kind of defeated as I had waited like 2 months to get an appointment in the first place. I tried again during the summer and have been seeing my current therapist for about 6 months. I knew she was a good fit because she asked me what I wanted to get out of therapy and how she could best support and serve me in the process.

I feel that I have internally grown so much in this time! Around the 4th session I told her that therapy felt like the only place I could talk to someone where I actually felt completely heard. Not to say my family and friends are not good listeners, but it’s very different. She’s unbiased and truly just lets me talk, guides my ideas if I get stuck, and helps me to navigate through and process my thoughts and feelings. I wanted to share some lessons I have learned from being in therapy and how it is allowing me to become the best version of myself. I like to call these my golden nuggets of wisdom lol

Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business and does not change or matter in how I feel about myself.

My social anxiety was out of control. I used to be so scared to go anywhere really because I was afraid of what other people thought about what I looked like, what I said, or what I did. Being in therapy helped me realize that no one is really even paying attention to me and people are mostly worried about themselves. Even if they are, who cares? My value and self-worth is not contingent upon how other people may view or feel about me.

It’s okay to have feelings.

No, seriously. I had so many suppressed emotions dating back as far as like 5 years. Instead of letting myself feel emotions, I would just keep stuffing them down and spiral into negative thoughts about things I never let myself process and heal from. It’s better to let yourself feel an unpleasant emotion for 5 minutes than to have it dampen your spirit for longer than it needs to. One exercise my therapist suggested was to write a letter as if I was still in a time of my life that I just couldn’t seem to get over and see what came up for me. It felt good to release that baggage.

My feelings and experiences are valid.

I had a great childhood and a mostly comfortable, pleasant life. That doesn’t mean I haven’t had things happen in my life that have left a scar in my heart. I don’t need to compare my life to others and feel bad that their trauma is worse than mine and feel guilty about that.

It’s okay to not be in control all of the time.

I was extremely uncomfortable with uncertainty. The fear of not knowing the outcome and being rejected held me back from a lot of things. Excelling at work, engaging in social settings, etc. The comfort of complacency was better than the unknown. Now I try to embrace uncertainty and think about it as a pleasant surprise 🙂

Negative thoughts confine you to a false sense of being.

Through therapy I realized I was so attached to my mental misery. It dawned on me that I was scared that I wouldn’t know what to do with all of the free time I would have if I wasn’t always worrying. I was tethered to my negative thoughts and I honestly didn’t know who I was without them. It was so simple that I could actually read, journal, exercise, or just be and nothing bad would happen from me not worrying myself into a shame spiral of shoulda, coulda, woulda. I now stop those thoughts in their tracks, replace them with positivity, and send them lovingly on their way.

Whatever decision I make is the right one.

I used to spend a lot of time in analysis paralysis. Agonizing over things I needed to do the point I was so exhausted before even getting started. I was annoyingly indecisive (still working on it). Even if the choice I made doesn’t work out, I can move on and try something else.

I am a work in progress and that’s okay.

Going to therapy does not mean I have solved all of my problems and never have bad days. Healing is not linear. Some days it’s wonderful and I am so proud of how far I have come. Some days I just don’t quite get it right and I just want to get back in bed and start over. The difference is now I have the will to keep trying. My mindset has changed. I’m not so emotionally reactive and triggered because I actually allow myself to flow though my feelings. I don’t need to have everything figured out. Life would be really boring if that was the case. I’m better than I was, but I’m always learning and striving to become the best version of myself with stumbling blocks and mistakes along the way.

There is no shame in seeking help.

You don’t have to be at your lowest low or in psychiatric distress to benefit from therapy. There are a lot of lost souls walking around in misery, lashing out at people, or displaying false personas because of baggage they need to process and heal from. Do what you need to do to grow and become the best version of yourself!

Have you all ever sought out therapy? What is or has been your experiences with professional counseling? I would love to hear your thoughts!

Until Next Time,

Lacadia