My Pa-Pop
The only grandfather I ever knew. The only one I ever needed.
His blood was not of my blood, but his heart was of my heart.
To know him was to love him.
He loved my Mima and his family unconditionally and I aspire to show that kind of love to others.
I will miss his deep laugh, his quick witted humor, and his knowledge of any and everything.
I will celebrate his life, legacy, and the impression he has left with me.
I will miss seeing your smiling face at my wedding Pa-Pop.  Cheering me on my special day, but I know you will be there beaming with pride.
I thank God that you are no longer in pain, even though I wish we got to hold on to you for a little while longer.
I’m glad I got a chance to know and love your compassionate soul. Until we meet again.

I wrote that poem last Monday when I found out that my Pa-Pop passed away. I actually read it at his celebration of life (funeral). I stayed home from work that day because I was having some knee issues and needed to go to the doctor. My amazing soon to be mother in law actually drove an hour just to take me to the doctor. I saw on my Fitbit that my dad called me, but I was icing my leg and my phone was in my room so I figured I could just call him back. Then he called again, so I knew it must have been important.

My dad broke the news to me… and it literally felt like my heart sank to my stomach. I just couldn’t believe it. Devastated is an understatement. He always pulled through. He survived throat cancer. He was a fighter. I still can’t fully wrap my head and heart around it. I almost wasn’t going to do a post this week. Then I had a feeling in my spirit like my Pa-Pop would have wanted me to. December 20th would have been my grandparents 20th wedding Anniversary. Their love story was not traditional, but it certainly was unconditional.

I want to encourage someone else who may be going through a loss right now. Whether it be a loved one that has passed away, a relationship that did not work out the way you wanted, or an opportunity that did now come to pass.

It is going to hurt. Embrace it.

Don’t try to bottle your feelings up. Cry, scream, yell, get angry, be sad. Allow yourself to feel everything and release all of those emotions. If not it will come out at a time that you can’t control or it will be misguided or misdirected.

It’s okay to be sad, but remain productive.

This week and last have been very hard for me. I have barely made it to work on time. All last week I felt like I was watching my life instead of really living it. All I wanted to do was sleep as I have realized that is one of my coping mechanisms. Try to maintain your responsibilities and normal routines. If you allow yourself to much free time, you will dwell in your sadness.

Think of the good times.

I was steadfast in referring to the funeral as his celebration of life. My Pa-Pop was a phenomenal man and everyone who was there could see it, hear it, and feel it in the way we talked about him. Think of all of the things that are still going right in your life.

Pray for peace.

I prayed that God would provide those mourning the loss of my Pa-Pop with peace and a sense of understanding that no matter what we are dealing with God is with us always. My Pa-Pop won’t have to go to anymore doctors appointments. He won’t have to deal with anymore pain. He may rest now. He is at peace.

If you are mourning the loss of a relationship, think of this as a new beginning. Who will you be now that you are just you? Will you get to know the ins and outs of who you really are? Dig deep into yourself and fall in love with you.

If you are mourning the loss of a missed opportunity such as work, school, promotion remember that where you are is exactly where you are supposed to be. Whatever door was not opened was to protect you from something or give you more time to prepare for what is to come. Maybe you need to hone your craft more. Maybe there are still some things you need to sort out. Maybe there is something better for you.

I don’t think I will ever get over this loss, but I know it will get easier with time. I have the most amazing memories to bring a smile to my face and for that I am forever grateful.

What are some ways that you all cope with grief? I’d love to here your insights on perseverance.

Until next time,
Lacadia